Its a little late to cheer YAY IVP’S OVER because by now, it would have been long forgotten by all as we’re busy mugging for exams. But because I’m not YET busy mugging, I still want to share my tiny IVP experience with the team (:
800m. It was an event that was personal to me. Its not something that I’m really good at, but it just meant something to me. I had my first encounter with 800m in primary six. I don’t even remember training that hard, and I won the silver in Nationals. And when I think about it now, its really funny that I can win a medal, when I don’t really want it. Because in primary school, all I worry about was my school-girl crushes and recess time.
And I went on to running 800m in secondary school nationals but never winning anything. Nevertheless, I had fun. And that was something that I’ve forgotten about as IVP was approaching.
I really wanted to run 800m. Again. And when I finally made it, I trained real hard for it. And as every training session became better, we were getting faster and faster, I not only wanted to run, but I wanted to win something. Its not that wanting to win is a bad attitude, but when you forget everything else except to win, that’s just not right. And it was a lesson learnt through my experience this year (:
I remember trying to study on that Sunday morning. I simply couldn’t because all I could think about was the race. And I got grouchy when my family came back late from their weekly marketing and bought home my lunch late. I remember ranting about how importance it was for me to eat my lunch and now that it came late, it will screw up my race -.- I know right, its something that I’m not proud of. Despite my attitude, my parents willingly sent me to Gombak stadium in the heavy rain.
I was strangely quiet the whole time before the race. And I guess everyone could tell that I was nervous. I mean, I’m not usually so quiet right hehe. Even Yati had to tell me a joke during our warm-up because she could sense the tension. After all the hugs and good lucks, I finally ended up at the starting line. I remember closing my eyes for a few seconds and praying there and then. And I guess I made a mistake there. I did not ask to do my best, I asked Him to make me win something.
The race was good and everything went on as planned. I stuck to the front pack (forget Lossini, she’s just running her own race haha). In fact, I felt good running the race. At the second lap, I wanted to go faster. But both NTU girls were in my way. I remember thinking a lot during that short race, if I should overtake them or not. And I finally did at the 200m mark. As I curved the bend, I was second. And that was all I thought about. I could not even hear the cheering. Wait, I think I could not hear anything at all. I could only hear myself. “Omg, omg, omg, you’re second”. Then I was overtaken. “Omg, omg, omg, I can still make it, I’m third”. And then I was overtaken AGAIN. My legs were still moving, but I had no more energy. All I wanted to do was to reach the finish line. And hold back my tears.
I saw Kaiming (my HC teammate) standing there . He was smiling, a kinda sad smile. You know the kind of “I’m so sorry for you” smile. He invited me to knock knuckles with him (you know the kind Jackie always does). And I did it weakly. On my way back to our area, everyone gave me that same sad smile. Tears were gathering up. But I just keep telling myself I can’t cry. Cos its pretty embarrassing. Until I saw Siewmin. And gosh I’ve cried so many times in front of her, I couldn’t hide it anymore. So it all came out, on her hair I think? Haha her hair was on her shoulders and I cried on it.
The girls brought me to the toilet. And it was there that Yati knocked some sense into me. Running is not about winning. And you don’t enter competitions to win. Competitions are meant to be fun. Those competitors, they are not just competitors, they are friends. And the whole training process, it is not just to win. But to have fun in the process. Because you forge such close bonds when you train together. Whatever Yati said, its not something new to me. It was just something that I have forgotten. And I ‘m ashamed of that. But I’m really glad for the lesson learnt (:
In secondary school, I used to think doing below 2.40 is god-like. Turns out, I did a 2.35 for that race. My personal best. And way beyond my target. And it was all that matters. I did my best. And I’m god-like now 😀
For the next IVP day, I kept bumping into Nikki and Lossini. And we joked and encouraged each other for the 4x400m. I didn’t even care that they were the ones that overtook me. I forgot all about losing that race. I only remember doing my best for that race.
I went on doing a 65sec for my 4x400m. I remember during training, Mr Quek telling me to do a 66sec, and I was so afraid I couldn’t do it. And yet again, I’ve performed beyond expectation. I did my best. Again.
As I put aside the silver 4x400m medal, I suddenly thought about the bronze medal that I almost won for 800m. In that split second, I thought about “I could have had another medal”. And as I looked at my collection of medals, I don’t even remember where I got some of them from. And from where I was, they just looked like rusty useless metals. And that’s what my silver IVP medal is going to look like in a couple of years. A rusty piece of metal.
And that’s when I could smile again. Because I don’t need a medal to remind me that I’ve done well for a race. As long as I did my best, that sweet memory is going to last for a lifetime.